Where it all began...

So today I want to make a start on the mental health section of my blog. I'm still unsure how this section is going to work and what I will be posting here. I thought I'd start by talking (rambling let's face it 😉) a little bit about my mental illnesses and how I have dealt with these.

I've always known that my level of worry and anxiety about things wasn't normal. I had my first panic attack at the age of 11 on the day I was leaving for a 5 day residential trip. I had never felt anything like it before. I felt distant, like I was on a different planet, noises and sounds were muffled and I was struggling to speak, I felt like I had lost the function to string sentences together. As the feelings worsened it culminated in me being sick before getting on the coach. For the entire week I was away, I woke up in a panic attack everyday, struggled to eat without being sick etc. At the time I just thought I was ill, maybe I had eaten something funny.

No one else seemed to recognise that these were panic attacks either, but of course as soon as I was home I felt better and thought nothing of it. Over the next few years I experienced these panic attacks more and more, sometimes losing a stone of weight in just over a week in severe times.

I always felt that no-one took my symptoms and behaviours seriously, I don't blame them, the lack of education on mental health is shocking. However the fact that society said "oh she's just a worrier" or "oh you'll be fine there's nothing to worry about" did make asking for help feel very very difficult. It took until I was 16/17 to finally say I can't do this. A particularly bad period put things into light, for the first time my academic life was being severely affected and it was no longer manageable.

Off to the Dr's I went and after a very short description of my condition it was time to talk treatments.I'll talk about why I made the choice I did another time but for now I'll leave it at, I chose the therapy route. I'm not going to sit and say that first step was easy, because it was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life.

BUT it was also the best decision I ever made in my life.

Lucy x :)

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